Magpie and Cowboy.
04 Nov 2010 1 Comment
Things have been off for a while. We both know that. Always arguing, it seems. And money as usual has been snugger than I would ever have liked it to be. My sex drive is in the toilet. And I’m always angry, or grumpy, or both.
I haven’t cried this much in years, and my eyes are huge. The stupid thing is that it was really my fault. And immediately after he walked out that door I felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I took Jill to the groomers this morning, and when they asked for her last name, I burst into tears as I told them his. She must have thought I was completely batty.
I’ve had people say that they can see the issues between Cowboy and I. I guess what I created was my fault, and it’s my own monster. The stupid thing is, that most of the time when I had an issue with something, I didn’t speak up, and I just filled myself with resentment. Kept quiet, and resentful.
I feel as though I deserve to be treated with respect. Most of the time I got that, but at times – I felt trampled on. Does one deserve to be treated well most of the time? Or all of the time? I stopped giving him the time of day, and that wasn’t fair either.
All I can think of right now is coming home to an empty house, sleeping in an empty bed, cooking for one, and celebrating Christmas without him. It hurts more than I can imagine.
My house is quiet. Everytime my phone goes off I jump, hoping it’s him again. I just want him to come home.
Feb 05, 2011 @ 00:16:31
The new layout fits.